I listened to Brooke’s videos, read the workbook, and also did the homework around relationships and being the best mate. We had a situation when he said I never listen and am always distracted, which he went on and on about how I always do “x” and never do “y”. His words contradicted what he told me to do so I challenged what he said, which as you know caused an argument. He threatened (or I took it like that) he said basically if I keep doing this, it’s not what he wants.
My old way of doing things was something like this “I don’t like what you did, so I will punish myself by feeling negative emotion about you and react in a negative way toward you.” After doing the homework around what it is I want to feel in this relationship I told him the next day. “I want to tell you I take 100% responsibility of how yesterday went down. And, I will take full responsibility for being distracted and not as present as I want to be with you. I will be way more aware of my distractions so that I can be more present.”
I ask myself how do I want to feel towards him, which is keep having loving feelings towards him and which is so different from the past. I am giving him space and just keep putting the priority on me being happy. Even though he seems to want this distance and I am challenging my ways of thinking when he pulls away from me. I would think he doesn’t love me, or I am not good enough and then not trust him. I am really seeing the difference in me and how I am showing up but at times this can be challenging for me. BUT it doesn’t mean it is not challenging at times.
Any suggestions? Ideas to get better at this? Practice? AS Brooke says, she would be all in if we could change someone and it worked, but it doesn’t. So as I write this I am really answering my own question. I just need to “allow” him to be everything he is and that is okay and then I can decide what I feel and want and be okay with my decisions. Right?