Yesterday, a small thing happened. I realized that my husband had put towels back to the bathroom that I had piled up on my bed with other clothes to prepare for our vacation week in a tent. So arriving at our place, there were some towels he had packed for going to the beach, but not the ones I had planned to have for showering.
I was very angry for a few hours and still I am cooking inside. I know it is my thoughts like, “He should not interfere,” “I can’t believe he would take out things out of a pile, my pile, that is clearly an accumulation of stuff prepared with thought.” I have the power to decide to let go and not ruin more hours of my/our vacation.
But there are more thoughts in the back of my mind: “I need to protect my unfinished projects because if he is around he will put his fingers into it. The thought makes me feel anxious and I know I think a lot “How can I control this man? How can I prevent him interfering?” I know in theory that I can’t control him!
There are more thoughts:
– I get oftentimes interrupted by the kids so I leave things unfinished and I want to be able to come back and continue where I was at and not taking out the tools and ingredients again, for example. Because he decided that there were things on the table he should take care of (putting things back in the fridge for example)
– He has been working from home for 15 months, and comes down from his office to get a cup of coffee and on his way, in good intentions, he feels responsible for a lot of stuff that are my “construction sides.” He feels responsible for everything, but I can and want to take care of my things at my chosen time.
– He has good intentions. It’s never on purpose to annoy me. He wants to keep things tidy. It’s like a reflex, unintentional.
I try to turn my anger and even outrage that I feel into something positive: it is the best way to learn that other people are not controllable and belittle the thing. “It is only towels, come on girl.” But, my brain goes back to “he should not undo things I put thought into…
Happy to read what I don’t see here. Thanks a lot.