I took to heart the feedback that the coaches gave me. I can see the manual I have for my husband.  I’ve been feeling and feeling and I’m just plain sad.

I sat with that sadness and noticed our life is one big conversation about logistics and schedules.  So I started there. We now have a weekly meeting booked and that is when we will discuss and follow up on priorities.  I could feel my brain relax knowing that I didn’t have to remember his priorities – the process for the weekly meeting will.

Thank you for your words, love and feedback.

There is more lightness present. I can see him being lighter too.

But I’m still sad that I’m the one who has to initiate.  Yes, I know this is a manual about him and that it is my thinking that he should want to initiate.

With that sadness is the thought that if I am happy “he wins”.

Man…. why is letting go so damn hard?  I can see the loop I am in. I can see and feel how it makes me feel.  But it feels like I have to give up so much.  I’m crying as I write that. I want this change, I want to be happy, I know I can have that for myself snd it is up to me. And there is significant power. I fundamentally get that.

And it feels really hard right now.