husband’s son

Working through a husband and son thing. My husband has 4 grown children. After he married me there was some estrangement with his kids.

I have a story as to why, but for this post the details aren’t important except that I know that their mom told them that I broke up their marriage, which is not true.

When there have been announcements such as daughter’s engagement, daughter’s pregnancy, son’s engagement, my husband learns of the event weeks after other people. My thought is that he is an afterthought.

Today we received a text that due to Covid the son’s wedding date and venue have changed. The text said that he had forgotten to tell his Dad.

I can see that I have a Manual for the son and a thought “who forgets to tell their dad that the wedding venue has changed?” I find myself annoyed and irritated.

My actions are to mull in my brain. I feel tight in my chest. I can feel the urge to go on about this with my husband but I am resisting that and instead just feeling it. The result is that I remain irritated and annoyed.

I really want to get out of this loop. My husband’s kids are going to do what they will do. I’ve been in Scholars long enough to know that, and that it is my thoughts that make me feel the irritation. There is certainly a freedom to feel all of it while I am in it, which is very different than a couple years ago.

So my question is this. I want to feel an equanimity while I feel the emotion. I also want to feel love in witness of the circumstances of kids not initiating contact, and saying they forgot to let him know that the date and venue have changed.

Even as I type this, I am noticing some of my humor… as in “that is actually kind of cute” – and there is no hint of condescending emotion.

Family dynamics can be cute… as in… “oh… look at them behaving the way they are behaving.”
And it is a pretty good soap opera.

I can see these 2 responses… annoyance and humor… are both real. And one feels entirely different … and more freeing.

Now that I am here, and exploring these two states…. it is fun to explore my brain in all of its glory.

Are there insights you can share having read this? (I am looking forward to the 8 weeks on relationships!)