"I can’t be happy today"

I’ve been processing a lot of sadness about my 16-year-old son unexpectedly moving out 2.5 weeks ago. I am trying to clean up my grief.

I also have a work plan to complete 9.5 hours of work today (my contract is based on billable hours). I feel a lot of stress about the work.

I am trying to make space to feel sad. The sadness feels so unlimited, like it’s taking over. I am feeling the sensations in my body, and crying most mornings when I do my self coaching.

C today’s plan on calendar
T I can’t be happy today
F sad
A cry, process sadness, think about wanting to buffer, look for evidence that there’s nothing to be happy about, ruminate, anticipate how hard work is going to be
R unhappy

C today’s plan on calendar
T I feel sad and that’s OK
F acceptance
A cry, process sadness, allow urges to buffer, don’t beat myself up if I buffer, be curious about what day will bring, don’t ruminate
R clean grief

Input on models appreciated. Thanks.