"I can’t work hard and be loving at the same time"

I have started a contract that I only work on in Feb and Mar. It requires working more hours per week than I normally do (it is based on billable hours, not results). I am noticing that I am struggling with resentment towards family members. In general, I’m noticing that I have the belief that I can’t work hard and be loving at the time time. I think this might be an underlying belief that has contributing to my lifelong pattern of underearning and underworking. I know it’s not true because I see that some are very loving and work hard, but I don’t believe that I can be loving and work hard. It’s as if “work” is a mode that doesn’t leave room for anything else for me.

example UM from yesterday:
C work day
T Husband should be nice to me when I am working
F resentful
A look for evidence that he’s not being nice, don’t smile, snap at him,
don’t engage, do chores even though I don’t want to, don’t ask for help, bang around in kitchen, people please
R I am not nice to him or me when I am not working

C work day
T I can work hard and be loving at the same time {I don’t believe this! Can you help with ladder thoughts?}
F loving {this is how I want to feel}
A communicate honestly, take responsibility for my choices of how I spend my time including doing chores, hug Husband, initiate conversation, ask for help, accept lack of help
R Be loving and get work done {this is the result I want}

Can you help with ladder thoughts in my IM? Any other suggestions for changing my belief that I can’t work hard and be loving at the same time?