So I cheated on my girlfriend 5 days into our relationship. I went out after 6 weeks of not drinking, got very very drunk, and slept with someone else, and also kissed a separate person. I was so ashamed and felt awful so I decided to not tell her. But after 6 months I decided I couldn’t keep it from her any longer, so I came clean.
She’s a very anxious person but has decided to stay with me. It’s been 4 months since I told her and we’re getting to a good place.
I already knew I had issues with alcohol, so I haven’t drunk since that night and I’m feeling great about that.
The issue now is – that she’s very anxious about lockdown ending in the UK, as she says she’ll be really anxious when I go out again – scared that I’ll cheat again or lie to her. I reassure her often and I’m being compassionate and understanding.
But I just know that whenever I make plans to see friends and go for drinks (non-alcoholic ones for me!) she’s going to get very anxious and upset, and it’ll be a difficult situation.
I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m not allowed a social life or to go out because of a past mistake, but I also feel incredibly guilty because I see it as me that’s causing her pain and suffering.
Model would be:
C: Lockdown is ending in the UK – opportunity to make plans with friends
T: Mikki is going to get very anxious / make this really difficult
A: I imagine her response and us arguing, I blame and shame myself for what I did, I question if I’m right to want to go and have a social life after what I did, I feel guilt, I think about that night and fight against reality (wish it had never happened)
R: I create anxiety with my thoughts and make this difficult for myself
But I guess my question is – if I do these things anyway and make plans and just accept that she’s allowed to feel anxious and that I’m allowed to also not pander to her / not make plans to soothe her – am I doing something wrong / being a bad girlfriend?