I have recently started dating someone, and I’ve realized that I don’t like my reasons for not having sex and I don’t like my reasons for having sex.

The reasons I don’t have sex are out of shame, caused by the thoughts: “If I have sex with him, he will think I’m a slut” (which is actually just me afraid of myself for shaming myself) and “He’s going to think I’m gross.”

The reasons I WOULD have sex are out of fear/insecurity, caused by the thoughts: “He wants to and I don’t want him to leave/get bored” and “I feel pressured.”

I don’t like any of the reasons for either decision.

Currently, we have not had sex, as I’m really hung up on making sure that I like my reason when I decide to, but I also hate my reasons for why I’m not.

Any questions or insight that could help me explore this further?

Thank you!