Ok. So today on the car drive, my partner starts talking about politics. I have edited politics, religion, etc. talk out of my life. I have an app on my Facebook that edits it all out, I don’t watch the news, my Mom and brother who have added me to a group text to share political memes – I’ve put on silent … and I’ve put my head down to focus on creating my best life. Yes, politics and news still seeps in – but I just think “Well, the humans are doing the best they can” – and I work on me. And so far, I’m feeling incredibly creative, happy, fulfilled, and moving ahead toward my goals. I’m loving life. 🙂
But every so often “Partner talks about politics”. My C. Not good. Not bad. It comes up. And I listen and often I’m quiet and he’ll reply “in my voice” (because I do not reply)… “Yes… I agree with you”. It’s not that I think politics is bad or good – it’s just that I can’t do anything about it. I have no control over it so why discuss something that I have 0 control over. I’d rather work on and think about things I have 100% control over. My thoughts and actions. My business. My goals. My work. New ideas I’ve learned and adding to my philosophy of life.
But politics come up again today in the car – and this time, my thought is, “I’m tired of hearing about politics” – so I respond to the conversation – and steer it towards “Why do you want to discuss this when it’s all a moot point. We will vote for who we vote for – but this is all outside of our control.” And then his reply is “Then what will we discuss? I wanted to bring it up so it wouldn’t just be silent. I like to discuss things.” And my reply (I’m sure this is scintilating for you) was “Yes, but your song is the same. My song is the same. We keep singing the same song to each other and nothing changes. I’d rather focus on talking about goals and things we’re creating and what we want to do.”
Anyway, it devolved from there. Since my T was “I’m tired of hearing about politics”, F was “annoyed”, my A was “Bring up how we should stop stalking about politics” (which amplified the discussion), and my R was “I’m now even MORE tired of hearing about politics.”
If my new C is now… “Politics will be talked about” or “My partner will talk about politics” (that’s a prediction, but let’s say that’s true), what’s next? What do I want to think and feel if politics will be talked about by partner who is angry at politicians? Hmmm… (I’m doing the work live here) “I love that my partner cares so much”. Or “I love that my partner cares so much – and I can quietly love that about him without response.” (F=Love, A=Loving Thoughts, R=I quietly love that my parter cares so much)
I like that thought – because I prefer not to respond. I mean – I could respond “You’re right!” (which might trigger a happy thought/feeling in him. Maybe not) – but that doesn’t feel authentic. I honestly feel the humans are doing as well as they can – and when they know better, they do better. (And how do I even know what “better” is?) So it’s hard for me to think “So-and-so is bad. So-and-so is good.” So affirmation doesn’t feel authentic. But quiet feels weird. (Feels “weird” – because thought is “You should respond with human words when someone starts a discussion.”) Of course, he’s also made it clear he wants a back-and-forth “discussion” – not talking to dead air.
But then – his thoughts are for him. His thought might be “My partner won’t discuss politics – and that makes me unhappy” – but that’s his thought, not mine. So I don’t need to manage him and his thoughts/feelings – by filling in the silence. I can choose my thought … loving him and that he cares enough to bring it up – and be silent. And he can take that silence as affirmation or condemnation or anything in between. (LOL. I’m just seeing him animatedly discussing politics and me sitting there with a loving smile on my face, loving him, and being creepily quiet the entire time.)
Thoughts on this? I kind of did the work in real time here to “show you my work” and see what you think. Am I thinking through this in a helpful way? Thanks!
