I love someone who loves someone else.

I’ve been dating a man for 8 months. On our first date he told me he’s still “hung up” on his ex-fiancé. We spend a great deal of time together and have become extremely close. We have been maintaining a “friends with benefits” type of situation for the past several months and I didn’t think I was falling for him, but it happened.

He’s Australian and enjoys a particular culinary dish called “beans on toast”. Essentially, a very simple dish that he says “it’s good and it fills a hole” because he doesn’t like to cook and he enjoys the meal. The other night, I told him I have feelings for him and want to be more than his beans on toast. I asked him if he has the same feelings. He has been very clear that he loves my company and the physical part of our relationship, but he told me he has a past and a history and he isn’t good for a relationship.

He was engaged to this same woman twice and believes that God told him to marry her. Although she is in a relationship with someone else, he believes they will get back together. He says he believes in miracles and that he has lived it. (I assume this means that he lost her once and got a miracle by having a 2nd chance with her).

I am experiencing increasing stress, anxiety (heaviness in my chest) and some depression because I believe he will eventually pull away from me and date others in an attempt to prevent me from getting hurt. He is a huge part of my life and although I haven’t told him, I do love him and don’t want to lose the relationship. I’m struggling with how to reconcile my feelings about loving someone who I can never have.