This was the response I got from my post regarding finding my center and learning to connect with myself and my body (I have been so disconnected my whole life).
When you’re not looking for something external to righten your world, how do you build connection to yourself? If you’re no longer trying to support the feelings of your five-year-old self, what are you free to support instead? How much more will you keep dancing when you keep looking within?
My answers to these questions:
It is difficult to find an instance lately where I am NOT seeking something external to right my world. All of my models show it. All the examination of my beliefs show it. All the models on my relationships show it. I am living my life in response to my “story,” my past, my traumatized five-year-old inside of me. I desperately cling to external validation or numbing to prove the beliefs I developed as a little girl: I’m a victim, I’m powerless, I’m trapped and not heard. This is my story. This is the story I have been living out. Now I’m desperate to change it, but struggling in taking the leap. I struggle with flying on my own, without the need to buffer or seek external approval. I discovered that I thrive on a feeling of connection, with people, the universe.
How am I going to find that connection with myself? To truly connect with my center at all times like when I am dancing? How can I break the habit of reliving my “story” and learn to not need something external to “fix” me? Brooke calls this noise and I must learn to live in my future self. I can see her but she’s just out of reach. I see the strong, beautiful spirit that she has. She wants to feel all the aliveness of being human and knows that is the answer. But, the little girls story is so strong.
So, how do I build a connection with myself? I am the perfect person to answer the question because I have lived in my body for 53 years and I am aware of what works for me and what doesn’t. Because I discovered that I thrive and am motivated by connection. I know that it would be powerful for me to always connect with my center. A real connection that I actually feel, feel deeply. And feelings come from our thoughts.
So, I have to think a new thought:
“I am grounded and secure with my center.”
“My center is always with me.”
“My center will never leave me.”
“My center is my superpower.” (I like this one)
I am connected in a deep way by connecting with my center.”
Brooke says it starts with awareness but then action must follow. I am ready to start taking action from what my future self would want for me and stop living out my”story.”
If I’m not living my life based on the story of my five year old, I am free to fly. My future true self is very ambitious. My future self knows that I am a special human with special talents that can benefit others. Future me wants me to fly and let go of this “story” that I no longer need to run the show. Future me sees possibility, she sees there is no limit in the things that I can accomplish in my life. Future me knows that there is enough love in the world for every human to have, including me.
These are the things my future self wants for me:
Dance, dance all the time in everything you do. Connect with your center and find joy in every movement
Stick to taking action that supports my new beliefs. End current relationship that was formed from need for external validation and distraction.
Work hard at Life Coach School. Don’t quit. Future me knows that learning and using my brain feeds me.
Trust, trust in myself. I know what I need, and it is all inside of me and has been all along
Believe, believe that I am capable of doing this. My life is evidence that I can do hard things. Believe that I can stop living in the “story.”
Achieve, but not for others. Achieve for the sake of achieving. Because I know that I am driven to achieve. I only need to do anything because it delights me. I feel good when I accomplish.
How much more will I keep dancing? Dancing was my expression, my communication method, my everything for most of my life. I chose to snuff it out living the “story.” I forgot how much it means to me. Today, I am free to dance as much as I want. I can dance and connect to my center in everything I do, mowing the lawn, writing my thought work, cleaning the kitchen. I can be free when I am dancing. I can have that feeling of connection at any time if I just turn my attention within and connect with it. My center doesn’t care if I am overweight, too busy, too old, whatever my excuses have been for not dancing. Those excuses supported my “story.”
My noise. I can choose to think the thoughts that future me would want for me. I can take actions that support my being able to live how future me would want. I can dance. I can sign up for a class again and be brave enough to begin. I can dance in everything I do. Future me is cheering me on. Believing in me. Time to live from my future. Time to write a new story. Time to take action and begin. Thank you for your response.