I Want to Stop Feeling Trapped and Disinterested in My Legal Career

I am a full time lawyer and a life coach who coaches lawyers. I have been feeling overall malaise and disinterest in my legal career for a few months.

TD: My two large legal clients that I have cultivated and built up over the past 10 years of my career aren’t giving me as much work as they used to due to a financial downturn and some internal politics that I do not control. I chose to pay out of pocket to join a business networking group to grow my legal business. Looking at math and not drama, 2021 was my most profitable year at the firm. 2022 is on target to be my worst year profit-wise at the firm due to the decline in business from the large clients. I spend a lot of time thinking I just wish I were a coach and could focus 100% of my time focusing on building my business instead of trying to build my legal business. But I also want to build my book of legal business so that I can coach my lawyer clients how to get through a slow patch like this. Lately, I’ve been struggling to concentrate at work. I’ll spend a lot of time watching coaching videos or listening to coaching podcasts instead of working. But then during that time, I’m not building my business either. I guess it would make sense if I were using the time I’m not working on legal to work in my business, but instead I’m just buffering with coaching videos. I keep having the thought “I’m not supposed to be here anymore.” I’m supposed to be a coach right now. I’ve played small for too long. But then I hear Brooke’s voice in my ear yelling at me “Of course you’re supposed to be here. How do we know this? Because you’re here!” I’m not playing small, I’m doing so many things. And yes I can do both of these things. But I feel so trapped in my own thinking. Here is the model I’m currently in:

C: I am in my office on August 30, 2022
T: I’m not supposed to be here anymore
F: Stuck (When I sit to process this, I feel like my chest and throat are closing up and I almost feel short of breath)
A: Buffer with coaching videos and podcasts. Don’t work in my business. Binge watch Netflix after work instead of working in my business. Do a little bit of legal work and then beat myself up for having limited hours on my time sheet. Stay in the stuck loop because every time I go to do some work, the feeling flares up and I go to buffer instead. Don’t follow my calendar at all. Almost miss a business networking call. Compulsively check social media for likes on my latest post.
R: I’m not focused on being anywhere.

Can you help me with my R line? I feel like I’m on to it but not quite there.

Also, please help me redirect my brain to more useful Ts. The Rs I want are to 1) build up a book of legal business so that I can show my lawyer clients how to do this when they’re feeling just like I am right now. 2) Once I build up the book to get back to my level before my two major clients “fell off”, I want to refocus on my coaching business with the new tools that I learned. 3) continue to create in my business while all of this is going on. Thanks!