I had a coaching call just now – awesomeness. I just want to keep digging deeper into my brain. I think I have a belief that I’m always late.

My thoughts about me, “I’m always late.”

Ideally – if I leave at 8:15am at the latest – kids would get to school on time – no drama.

C: 7:30am
T: Oh yeah – there is a lot of time, I can do muffin in 30 mins
F: Expansive
A: Kept going doing lunches, got puppies to eat some chicken, watched some life coaching videos, doing the lunch at slow speed rather than efficient speed, didn’t start the muffin mixture straight away, kept telling myself there is plenty of time, started the muffin dough at 8 am
R I didn’t create/allocate time for myself. I didn’t follow the original plan of doing muffins within a certain timeframe.

I don’t want to think that “there is not enough time.”
Why?

I don’t like the feeling of rushing and not enough time.
Why?

My brain goes from black and white; from a lot of time to stressed.

What if my brain is wrong & there is grey? Being efficient, doing things quickly and on time without feeling the stress?

My brain goes – I don’t think so.
Why not?

I have never done it.
So?

It’s not doable.
Ok – let’s look at, “I have never done doing things quickly and on time without feeling the stress”

Can you find an example?
Walking to church on Saturday, we arrived on time (yeah but should be 15 mins early – thanks brain – you are cute).

So, you have done it.
Yes I have. hmmmm

C: 8 am
T: I’m going to be late
F: frazzled
A: doing the muffin quickly, not enjoying doing it with son, rushing to shower, rushing to brush teeth, rushing to floss teeth, rushing to get dressed. Get snappy with son looking at the hot muffin tray.
R: I’m killing the joy of the process

C: 8:30AM
T: fuck, I’m late
F: pissed off
A: scolded my brain – I can’t believe you don’t learn anything in the last 36 years. yelled to daughter – come on do you want to be late. wasn’t enjoying the drive to school. was preoccupied in my brain. told myself I’m not allowed to have fun in the car ride. Not allowed to have fun with my kids. scolded myself. punished myself. not showing up as the kind, patient, fascinated and aware mum
R I created hell for myself

so from T – “There is a lot of time” to “I want to keep proving to myself that I’m kind of a late person. Let’s prove it some more.”

Interesting.

I also thought it’s also interesting with the word “late” – either late for something and also late as in deceased (death) which is in my results…