I’m several years in and at a stage in my thought work journey where I really believe that my drama is mostly created by my thoughts. And whilst it feels great internally not to have all that noise swirling around, I think it’s coming across to people as apathetic. I’ve had a friend pull away and I found out that it’s because she thinks I’m boring now. Not a huge deal, those are just her thoughts, but it’s interesting and I wondered if all Scholars have this experience at a certain stage in their journey?
My conversations have changed. Whenever anybody asks how I am I have almost nothing to say. Everything is ticking along. Not much changes. My business grows, my kids get older, my husband and I plod along together happily. I don’t have anything to complain about or gossip about anymore. My usual brand of self deprecating, dramatic humour now feels out of alignment with who I’m becoming. I still have lots to say but the content of my conversations has changed. I just don’t have all that much to say about ME anymore.
I know that people get to believe whatever they want to believe and I have no interest in changing who I am becoming and the path I’m on but equally there is a voice in me that is worried that I’m becoming boring and I’ll lose my friends.