Dear Brooke,

I am having trouble identifying a measurable impossible goal for next year. Could you provide some guidance?

Here are my most neutral attempt at my circumstance:

I am married.

Nine months ago, my husband initiated the conversation about whether we will stay married.

I’ve been bringing my A-game since then. Making my mental health a priority. Allowing my general anxiety to be present instead of buffering it away. Investing in my marriage. Managing my fear based thoughts that want me to escalate the drama, and instead working on loving the marriage I am in. I’m impressed with who I’ve been during this time, and also halfway through my weight loss goal.

My husband, while being kind, has not invested the same amount of energy, and is still undecided about wanting to be married.

I am struggling with defining an impossible goal for next year, because there is so much uncertainty. I am a stay at home mom with kids ages 3-11. I haven’t worked in 11 years. We currently live abroad.

Another complicating factor is my husband’s father is in hospice care. So I’ve had the thought many times that I just need to give more time.

In the face of so much uncertainty, I want my mental health to be my impossible goal next year. I tried making “Being Married” my impossible goal, but it didn’t feel right to me after months of limited effort on his part – which he acknowledges. Any thoughts on this?

If I choose my mental health, how can I make it measurable?