Impossible Goal: Attempted Fail

Hi Everyone, So, one of my attempted fails include applying for 20 freelance writing jobs in one week as I work toward my goal of having my own freelance writing business. I was nervously excited when I made this attempted fail but actually attempting it has me so bummed out! There’s so much on the internet and it feels like nothing applies to me…business writers, technical writers, medical writers, social media writers…my only foray into the freelance writing world has been greeting cards and a small town publication, totally lighthearted human interest type stories. I LOVE it but it’s a summer newspaper, far from full time. When I look for small town press type writing online, I get zip. I know it’s okay to fail at my attempted fail but I really wanted to at least apply for 20 jobs with the understanding that it was about the trying, not actually getting any jobs. My brain has been telling me to just forget it, stick with my non-writing-but-pays-the-bills day job and my one writing job and be satisfied. I was doing so well telling my brain I’m in charge, so this set back is unsettling. I’ve been a scholar for 6 months and personally it’s really helping me but professionally I’m still stuck. I know I’m indulging which is not serving me at all. Any words of wisdom or should I just suck it up and keep job searching?
Thank you all! I really love it here:)