Apologies in advance for the length of this post. This is my second month in Scholars and I am having a hell of a time. I did the “pre” homework like Brooke explained in the homework video and the goal that I picked is to finish unpacking my house. The history on the unpacking is this – I moved out of the country for 4 years in 2012, returning in late 2016. My belongings were kept in storage during that time. When I moved into my first place after returning home I left most everything that wasn’t a necessity in boxes in a large closet and never opened them. When I would think about going through them to see what I wanted to keep and what I wanted to get rid of all I wanted to do was watch tv and nap (now I see that is buffering) and I did what I wanted to do every time. After 2.5 years in that condo I moved into a house and brought those boxes with me. Since moving here in November 2018 I have opened more of them (maybe 3 but that’s more than 0) and the last box I opened was like opening a box of loss and sadness. It was full of things related to people and pets I had lost, things I had planned on doing (scrapbooks, photo albums, etc) and basically a look at a life that no longer existed and I had almost forgotten about over the time that had passed. I am not a very emotional person (I think most of us here are like this, for most of my adult life I thought I was rare) and I can count on one hand the amount of times that I have cried as an adult. After going through this box I sobbed for a good hour and felt such a sense of loss, I can’t even put it into words. So now, despite having this plan of unpacking the rest of the house written on my calendar and believing I committed to it I very obviously have not because I am not honoring my commitment to myself toward this task. I buffer with my favorite buffer – napping (food is out because I’ve also been doing weight loss work and I’m currently in the river of misery where I want to buffer with food but am aware enough that I don’t do it most of the time). The thought of finishing those boxes brings me such a sense of anxiety and fear that I just shut down. I have debated just throwing the boxes in the trash and being done with it but I know that there are items in there that my Gran had given me that I would want to have. So basically because I am indulging in probably every indulgent emotion there is and am well aware of it but not changing it I am not performing the planning part of the homework like I should (I plan, but the achievements never match) and this month is quickly becoming a failure. I know failure is ok and how we learn but I don’t feel that this is the kind of failure we learn from and I don’t know how to get out of this mess I’ve made. How to stop myself from feeling like I need a nap if I have a day off – my body is very convincing, I feel exhausted to the core. But on my work days I don’t nap and feel fine, so I know this is my body pulling bs. I hope that some of this makes sense and that there is some advice on how to work through this because right now I feel like I’m drowning in quicksand. Thanks in advance for advice and listening to this long-winded rant.