So here is my unintentional model on something that happened tonight.

C: called my mother on video to let her see her grand daughter and while chatting about her latest adventures I started telling her that I invited the neighbors’ kids over to play with her earlier this evening and she asked “now? during covid? is this wise?”
T: She accuses me again of being a bad mother
F: Angry
A: Justified my decision, started debating with her and then hung up on her before saying something mean, felt guilty about it, felt guilty about feeling guilty, felt like boiling, said all the mean words I could come up with to her in my head, lost patience with my daughter, raised voice a little on her, felt awful about my anger who redirected against my daughter
R: I acted like a bad mother

On the intentional model, here is what I came up with

C: called my mother on video to let her see her grand daughter and while chatting about her latest adventures I started telling her that I invited the neighbors’ kids over to play with her earlier this evening and she asked “now? during covid? is this wise?”
T: she’s just worried for us and this is how she expresses it (problem is I don’t actually believe it in my heart – she’s a know it all better than every one else)
F: kind, understanding
A: answer with a simple yes and continue talking about other subjects – but she would go back again and again to “was it wise”
R: I am not affected by my mother’s words

I really don’t know how to do an intentional model as I seem stuck on my thinking. How can I find a thought that I can believe and change the result ?