My husband and I met 18 years ago and we have recently decided to break up.
We are best friends, but he is no longer attracted to me and to be honest, I’m not really attracted to him, not because of how he looks but I find myself attracted to men who are driven and who work hard.

I was really devastated at first even though it is mutual, I cried for a week, then after that week I have had a few weeks of feeling good, I know it’s the right choice. Now we have set a date for him to move out I now feel awful again and can’t stop crying. I feel like my world has ended and I can’t stop thinking about everything we used to do together that we will no longer do (we spend a lot of time together and its nearly always fun) I can’t stop crying, by thinking about these things, am I torturing myself or am I processing the pain by letting myself think about it?

Also, there were things he used to do that would annoy me and things that were a bit of an issue in the relationship- I’m even struggling to recall them now. should I take the time to recall those things, write them down and remind myself it wasn’t this perfect relationship? because I’m concerned that I’m leading myself to believe that there were never any problems and it was always a bed of roses.

Why am I struggling to recall the things that brought the relationship into question in the first place, when I do recall them it’s like I don’t believe them or I can’t remember what it felt like when these things happened/ came up?

Right now I feel like it’s all pointless without my best friend and I don’t know how to feel better.