My partner and I have been discussing me quitting my demanding job so I can focus on my business. It feels very scary and vulnerable to me to consider leaving my job because I have worked hard to make sure that I never have to depend on a man for anything. My partner, unlike my late father and other men I have encountered, is not domineering or manipulative with money at all. He is generous and kind and would not treat me as any less than an equal were I to leave my job and forgo my income. Right now, I make more money than he does, and leaving that income behind feels scary. I know that the R I’m creating is that I postpone developing more money in my life by not leaving my job. My current job takes up my weekends, weeknights and early mornings, and that isn’t going to change any time soon. While I’m okay with the C of the job, I find myself wanting something else, something with more personal meaning to me.
I want to get more comfortable with the idea that if I quit my job, I may have to ask my partner for money. Right now, my mind is saying, it’s undignified, that I can’t support myself, that I’m not being a good feminist, that no one will take me seriously without a job, that I won’t be able to afford the things that I want, and that my partner will have all the power because he will be the one making all the money. This is stopping me from moving forward in life. Even though I know the R I’m creating, I still feel stuck about moving forward with quitting my job, and I know I’ll feel shame about asking for money.