Judging myself

I was offering my services as a freelance consultant to law firms and one of them asked me if I would come in full time to work as an ‘in-house’ consultant. They wanted me to work for a year and set up and run a special department. I was available and agreed to start immediately. I signed a contract that requires me to work 9-to-5, 5 days a week plus additional time as might be required of me as a professional. The work is good work for me (fairly easy) and I am happy to help. I almost didn’t take the job because I did not want the commitment of working full time, but I was feeling a bit of pressure and anxiety about paying my bills, so I agreed to do it, justifying it to myself by saying that it would give me the freedom and space to work on another project I have going on, and not have to worry about finances.

It has been two weeks so far and I can see that I really do not want the commitment of being tied down 9 to 5, Monday to Friday. I am wishing that I had negotiated a different work schedule – or at least tried to negotiate it, instead of just taking the contract they offered, and deciding to suck it up just because it was “only for one year”.

So, I am judging myself for compromising my values (freedom and independence) and for giving in to fear and uncertainty. And for allowing myself to be flattered into accepting the offer because they desperately wanted me to come, and for being attracted to the prestige of the position and the firm. I want to stay, maybe for 6 months or maybe a year, but not under the present arrangement, and I feel like it is too soon and would look bad if I tried to renegotiate at this point. And that I should have known better. So yeah, I am really judging myself. And I want to know, how do I fix this situation?