Learning how to let go of Ex Boyfriend

Hello There! You coaches are total rock stars spending hours on end answering all of our questions! Thanks for all you do 🙂

Okay, so I am wanting a little help on working on my model and my process.

The summer before I started college I met an amazing guy and fell deep deep deep in love. We were together ( often long distance) for 4.5 years and really experienced some of the deepest and most thrilling moments together.

A half a year or so after college, we decided to say goodbye ( more me then him) because I was moving to a different country and he did not want to make that move.

Forward 20 years later and I am now married to an amazing man who is loving, supportive, goes deep with me, co-parents beautifully etc.

The deal is that while I feel the blessing of what my husband is to me ( and we have 4 amazing kids together) over the years I have found myself thinking a lot about my ex, wondering if I made the right choice moving away from him and not marrying him etc. I think a lot of it comes from a place that I was always much more physically and sexually attracted to my ex than my husband and that made it hard to completely let go of him.

While I am in a MUCH better place now there is still a place in my heart that I am holding on and it just doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t allow me to fully immerse myself in my marriage and relationship that is happening right now.

So…any questions that can help steer me in the right way would be so amazing. ( also if there is anything in the vault I could watch that would be great too!)

Here is the model:

C : Seeing my ex on FB or hearing about him from a mutual friend

T: ( a few thoughts) Did I choose the wrong path? What would have happened if we decided to stay together and build a life together? We were always so hot for one another and had an incredible passion that my husband and I just never had.

F: Confused, Unhappy, Having less love for my husband , guilt

A: Always questions, always looking backwards, looking at old pics and letters of us, spending useless time thinking about him

R: Not being present in my relationship in the here and now.

Intentional model:

C : Same
T: ( some choices) my entire life was meant to be. Every choice I made was the right choice. I am so happy that my ex and I had the time and experiences that we had together. It changed us both. And I am so happy that we are now with new and different people which can only push us forward even more and allow us to grow. Every relationship that comes in to your life has such an opportunity of growth.
A: Not spending time anymore questioning if my life was meant to go this direction, spending my time and energy on creating what I want to create with my relationship now! Giving myself the opportunity to grow and change instead of being stuck.
R: Deepening my relationship with my husband

The second model feels good and certainly the direction I want to go but not 100% believable. More like 85/90% There is still a hint of longing for my ex still around.

Any thoughts? Thanks so much!