January is already over, and I haven’t accomplished anything. I set a goal to lose 8 lbs, and I only lost 2. I set a goal to walk for 15 minutes per day, and I didn’t walk once in 30 days. I start every new year with enthusiasm and excitement that this will finally be the year that I get my act together and become the person I know I can be. Yet, here we are starting month 2, and my brain still feels like it’s in the same fog it’s been in for months. Perhaps it’s depression. I buffer with food, feel like life is passing me by, and have very little motivation. I have watched Monday Hour One and really thought it would be good for me, but yet I can’t bring myself to schedule anything other than meetings for which I must show up. All other work remains on a TO DO List that gets longer by the day, and I get a hint of satisfaction when I can cross a few minor things off it. However, when it comes to the bigger, time-consuming projects, I just keep procrastinating. Here is my unintentional model:
C = I am responsible to complete tasks (personal and professional)
T = I’ll just put it off until tomorrow because it’s nothing that has to be done today.
F = Angry at myself for not being more motivated (especially on a day like today when it is snowing and I have time to do these things without interruption)
A = Procrastinate (do other tasks that are less meaningful) and waste time
R = Tomorrow I will feel more pressure when I am another day closer to a deadline and could have been further ahead and things don’t get done.
How can I get myself to be more productive? I go in spurts. Some days I feel like an Energizer Bunny, and others I am a slug. It is always extremes with me. Just like weight. I’m either a size 2 or a size 16. Why can’t I find balance in my life? This is not my best life. How can I find that? I don’t know where to start anymore. I have access to too many resources and find that the volume of books, podcasts, and other things in Scholars is so overwhelming that I jump from one to the other and don’t finish anything. Am I looking for the silver bullet or do I just suffer from adult ADHD? I am menopausal. Maybe this is my problem. UGH!!!!