Loyalty or stuck up or just afraid?

I’m realizing that I have a pattern of being really ‘cool’ towards people … women… who other friends of mine have a problem with, even though I’ve had no experience of that behaviour myself. These are usually women who are further along than me (producing a TV show, running a conference etc ) something that I’m involved with and really should be reaching out and being friendly like I am to everyone else in the world, but it’s as if my loyalty to my friend or community is actually making MY relationships more complicated. Ugh, I’ve been doing this for at least 30 years! there’s also something in there about not wanting to ‘suck up’ to people in positions of power, because actually I don’t feel equal to them … it’s almost also a ‘class thing’ I’m from the UK and we’re trained to know our place, which is why I could never go back to live there! What’s the best way for me to approach this wired in behaviour, I’m sick of it. Thank you!