I’ve been making changes to what I’m spending as I’ve realized I need to spend less. I don’t like stopping the things I’m spending money on, but I know for the time being it’s creating more pressure than I want to try to make ends meet. I have some shame around how I handled money earlier this year and think this could have been prevented. I’ve argued with reality and kept expenses the same even though that’s caused more debt.

I thought my business would pay off faster, I realize I am responsible for my results, so I created the result of my business not working, the money not being created, value not given, money not saved. Now taxes are coming due, I don’t have the money to cover it and I’m going to have to let things go.

During the last coaching session I had it was mentioned that there’s the math, and then there’s the drama. I’m looking at the math and saying, ok, right now I don’t have the money to cover x, y and z. The drama is, I make that mean I’m a failure and I’m losing good things. I also look at people who are affording the things I’m taking a break from and thinking they’re better than me, superior to me, etc. because they handle money better.

I realize I could look at this like, I have all I need and my success is inevitable, it’s just not happening on the timeline I was expecting and it means I’ll have to cut expenses for a while and I’ll be fine. I could think that way, I see it, but I don’t believe it. I just see failure and me being the 100% responsible party.