some model help- I have three kids -16, 14 and almost 13- the first two are boys- good kids who give me little problems (KOW) knock on wood. All three are in different schools. I went to a lecture by Julia Harper last night about REACTION and W.A.Y. (what about you) similar teachings in that we have to work on changing US and not others. This morning I was able to observe my first Reaction-so I modeled it.
Jon (14) walking out the door with his father this morning- I say- I’ll pick you up at 4:45p (we are in a car pool with two others) He says- “Alex (my 16 yr old son) is picking me up today” (This has NEVER happened before- Alex has been driving with his licence since November only- Alex asks whenever he drives outside of trips to and from school- and we discuss with whom)
C: Boys made plans
T: “How dare they make plans and not ask permission” “Jon is growing up now TOO”
F: Fear, Annoyed and Sad (all so different so typically I would not list together- but in the interest of your time….)
A: yelled/snapped at Jon (who responded JEEZE- OKAY- RELAX)
R: Disconnect from Jon
This one I started with the A line and worked from there
C: Boys made plans
T: Jon is growing up too. “They forgot to ask because I was out last night at the lecture” , “They think they don’t have to ask because I usually say yes”
F: sad (to the jon one) understanding, relaxed
A: Calmly explain rules of asking permission and car pool obligations- revise plans calmly
R: connect with Jon- keep boys happy- show I’m flexible

I wrote it- then I recognize I sound like a real people pleaser- in fact after Jon left I remembered the other lady was picking up today at 4:45 and I could pick up Jon at 2:20 instead with one other boy and bring him to where Alex was going- which I really don’t mind doing.

i’m rambling- thanks for your comments.
anne