Married, Now what…..

I think I married the wrong person. We are not compatible on so many levels it’s sad. I have been married 4 years now and this has been a constant struggle for me. At the time I got married I made a “jump” decision to get married because- “if it was meant to be then it would be”… I would never do this now but I did and now I am married to a man who is truly nothing like I imagined. He’s verbally abusive at times, is very impatient and is depressed and boring and all-around a negative person. He has some (many) good qualities, but all in all if I knew then what I do now, I would have NEVER gotten into this. Also, i felt a check in my GUT while dating but I ignored it because I thought if this is meant to be it will happen and if not, then something will break this up. How dumb is that Sh!t.. really I was too embarrassed to break it off.

I am disappointing in myself to the point of depression. ( I was SO STRICT with who I dated and was sure to “save my virginity” for my husband” ) I believe God can fix this marriage somehow. But honestly, he needs to fix the whole damn person. I just would not have picked him if I would have been truly honest with myself and not embarrassed to break it off when I still had time. I don’t want a divorce, that seems like failure to me on a few levels. I feel so effing lost.

What is a thought I can have to process all of this? I feel compassion for the man sometimes, but he has to help himself I am so tired I CAN NOT LIFT HIM and MYSELF.