So I’ve been avoiding this issue by telling myself that I have many more important areas to focus on (business, financial etc.) but have a feeling that this is a pattern showing up in many areas and is somehow related.
I’ve been dating someone for awhile and do enjoy his company. However, there is not as much intimacy as I’d like between us. While we do hold hands and there is a brief goodnight kiss, that’s where things end. I’ve been working on coaching myself around this and feel like I’m in a blind spot. I also feel triggered as this lack of intimacy was also an issue in my marriage of 25+ years.
On the one hand, I’ve coached myself that if it’s only my thoughts that matter and if I choose to stay in this relationship, I should focus on what I enjoy about him and our time together, not make it mean that there’s anything wrong with me and stop wanting/focusing on more intimacy between us.
However, there’s another part of me that would like that to be more of a part of our relationship because I enjoy connecting in that way. Have I brought it up to him? Not really as I’m creating feelings of awkwardness and fear if I do.
I haven’t felt this fuzzy around anything in a long time!
c: Talking about having more intimacy between us
t: I’m just not good at this relationship thing
f: insecure
a: avoid the topic, resist coaching myself, ignore the whole situation, withdraw from the relationship, act weird/distant/not myself
r: Don’t address what’s coming up and don’t learn about how to show up and be brave in a relationship
*** Not even sure that that’s the right ‘c’
How would I like to feel in a relationship? desired, loved, attractive. I know how to create the feeling of loved with my own thoughts but the desired/attractive feels confusing to me.
c: Talking about intimacy in a relationship
t: I keep thinking that I’m not good at this relationship thing
f: aware
a: get coached, do a thought download, reach out for perspective
r: Learn more about relationships/how I want to show up in a relationship
Appreciate your insight on this!
