I get down on myself a lot because I made many many mistakes in my 20s. I can’t seem to break my thought loops on that the things I did were so stupid and I’m a bad person who can’t get forgiveness. I try to run through all the possibilities of how I can stone for these choices but I find no answers. I ruminate that I can’t fix what I’ve done. Very indulgent but also still feeling so real.

Can you help with my thoughts and model?

C Past decisions
T The decisions I made were so idiotic and stupid and there’s no way I can ever get out from under my mistakes.
F shame and guilt
A self loathing, feeling like I don’t deserve most of what I’ve done in my life. General icky-ness toward myself
R Guilt and Shame

C Past decisions
T once I realized how destructive and terrible these habits and behaviors were I stopped BUT I still did them so I’m still bad.
F ashamed but not quite as loathsome
A still ruminating
R still feeling bad but not quite as bad