Mistakes part 2


I asked the recent question about mistakes and overeating. I don’t think I’m intentionally choosing to overeat, I get urges daily and I am able to not respond to some of them but then I respond to one, eat several things so it spirals into a bigger overeat than just that one initial thing. As I’m not beating myself up or holding onto feeling bad about the overeats like I did in the past, I want to blame that for me not being able to stick to my plans as my old way of thinking/behaving was you have to be hard on yourself to get results. When I was on hard myself and blamed myself I still used to overeat 2-3 days in a row sometimes like I am now so there is no probably no difference although I think sometimes my overeats are maybe smaller and I choose to stop even though there is food around still now. There was a time maybe a month or more ago when I was hard on myself that I didn’t overeat 2-3 days in a row and I want to go back to that, I have thoughts like your still making the same mistakes, why can’t you stop overeating (I should practice changing this to how can we stop overeating as it’s not a good question to ask myself) and you shouldn’t be overeating anymore you had 1-1 life coaching and you do daily mindset work, I think deep down I still hold on to this belief that there is something wrong with me as i’m still overeating and I must want food too much – I have tried working on these thoughts but maybe I need help to believe there isn’t anything wrong with me. Also know I’m very patient with allowing and giving myself time to overcome my overeating as I’ve done it since I was a child but back then I just did it for desire whilst now I might do it for comfort and buffering too. I have a pattern of being super critical of myself and too hard on myself and I’m trying to stop and I am making progress here but my desire to end my overeating sometimes brings me to my old way of thinking. I am scared that having too much compassion for myself means I’m allowing myself to give into urges but I don’t think that’s what’s happening but I want to blame myself for not being strong enough or good enough to not respond to the urge even though I don’t want to overeat anymore. I’m indulging in feeling lost, stuck and helpless, that this keeps happening to me and I’m not able to stop it no matter how hard I try. I think I’m going into victim mentality to my own overeating. When I was doing better with not responding to urges, I had a more restrictive diet and I didn’t eat any carbs or dairy apart from veggies and salad. I listened to a podcast about making decisions as I was thinking of eating carbs again but I was scared I would gain weight as I had lost 30 pounds in 4 months whilst I did my 1:1 life coaching but I still overate on/off (I am not overweight but I didn’t want to be a binge eater so that’s why I’m working on this) and I choose to eat carbs as Brooke asked what would you do if both choices guaranteed success so I went for reintroducing carbs and dairy as I felt I could maintain this way of eating for the rest of my life and didn’t blame these foods for me not having the body I want, but it’s my overdesire to eat that hold me back from having the body I want. I’m wanting to blame this change for my overeating but it’s not true, it’s me who is overeating, I’ve done thought work on this but I’m still not following my 24 hour plans and I’m not eating carbs the way I want to in my plans but I’m eating more processed foods when I want to be eat my carbs strategically like with potatoes and rice on days I workout in the gym. I have started to associate some good things with eating carbs like my energy levels are better, I workout better, I’m sleeping better, I feel better mood wise most of the time apart from when I’m stressed I’ve overeating still, people in the gym are telling me I look stronger and bettter as I was too skinny before so I’m starting to associate good things with having the carbs and I’m scared maybe this is why I’m overeating them more as I feel like I’m allowed as my personal trainer is really happy with how my body has changed but he doesn’t know I’m overeating, he thinks I’m having one bowl of rice a day and I keep seeking his approval although I know I shouldn’t but I do, I love getting compliments from him as I feel good then and like I’m doing well, I seek his praise even though I know it’s really my thoughts that are making me feel good, I still think it’s him and he was the one who asked me to eat carbs again initially before I decided for myself to do it. Working out in the gym and being able to do things like pull-ups gives me the natural dopamine hit and I feel great when I do well there but when I start overeating my weight goes up and then I can’t do these things so sometimes I can use the gym to motivate me to not respond or to not give up on myself and my goals but other times I feel ashamed of myself and like I should hide from my trainer or worried if people will see my bloated stomach. I don’t want to be overeating in this way and undoing my hard work in the gym, I feel like it’s happening to me even though I’m the one responsible for my results and actions. I miss my flat stomach I had before when I ate restrictively but I don’t mind the other changes to my body. I think I’m still doubting whether I did the right thing and I feel guilt for liking the changes and wanting them apart from the stomach.

Do you have any suggestions to help or advice for me?