I am looking for some model input/guidance. I am not sure I’ve got the result portion sorted out in this model. I have a wonderful relationship with my granddaughter and my daughter often tells me that her daughter is “obsessed with Grandma”. I adore her and love spending time with her, but I also enjoy my own time and not having the expectation that because I have time off I’ll automatically want to spend all my free time with my grandchildren. I often find the first thing my brain goes to when asked is the “have to” or “should” type of thinking. Ironically if I allow time to pass more often than not I say yes because I genuinely want to but my brain automatically goes first to the “shoulds and have to”.
Through this work it has become abundantly clear to me that I would rather disappoint myself than my children/grandchildren. This is my work to do and I think this model is a pretty accurate representation of what goes through my brain. I feel I get so hung up on the have to or should want to or the generalized expectation of it all that it what I really WANT gets muddled in it all.
C: daughter asks if granddaughter can sleep over
T: I feel like I should want to say yes
A: judge her for asking me “so much”, judge myself, try to busy myself with something else so I have a “legitimate” reason for declining, look for validation outside myself for the decision I make, get into my daughters life, vent to husband,
R: I make a decision based on guilt/perpetuate belief choice is not mine, perpetuate belief that NOT wanting to equates to bad, don’t trust my ability to make a decision?????
I am not sure that these results tie into this model. Thanks as always for the support!