I have decided that the guy I’ve been seeing for the past few months isn’t a good fit for what I want. I realize that I *could* be happy with him if I did my thoughtwork, but I also *could* potentially be more happy with a guy who has the characteristics that I want. I’m finding that our conversations are shallow and I’m very bored, and I feel like I’m driving everything. Honestly, sometimes (often) I just think that I could do better, and I believe that’s true.
C relationship with man
T I could do better
F Desire to leave relationship, but also just a feeling of brushing someone off (not sure what that’s called?), which I don’t like
A Think about breaking up, but don’t quite to it
R My thinking could be better?
I can see here that the thought I could do better isn’t really a great thought, as it also causes feelings of guilt, because I judge myself for thinking I could do better. Based on my previous thoughtwork, I know that guilt and shame keep us from learning what we need to from the situation at hand.
I want to break up with him, but I want to do so with grace. Truthfully, I really don’t want to do this. I don’t want to have this conversation, I don’t want to explain why, I don’t want to see him in person, I just don’t want to do any of it. But he’s a wonderful person and I like him a lot. I just don’t want to be with him and only him for the rest of my life.
So, I want my action to be that I have a conversation with him about wanting the romantic part of our relationship to end, and I want to do that lovingly. I also just don’t want to because I guess it’s awkward, I don’t like to say goodbye, I don’t know what to say… this is a big one.
C Desire to break up with man
T I don’t know what to say
F Confusion
A Do not have conversation with him
R I don’t break up with him
I think if I were to put “have a conversation with him and lovingly end the relationship”, in the A line, the Feeling would have to be love. Because from a feeling of love I’d want him to have someone who is amazing for him, and I’d want me to have someone amazing for me, and I could let him go, with love. I guess I’m NOT in the vibration of love. I’m in the vibration of fear. I think the confusion model is a cover up for the fear model, which I don’t have a ton of awareness of right now. It might even just be the fear of being alone – because if I think about “what if I had another guy waiting for me that I was in love with?”, well, I’d have no problem breaking up with this guy. So, that’s interesting to note.
C Desire to breakup with man
T I don’t want to be alone
F Fear
A Buffer with social media and distractions, don’t have the conversation with him, avoid talking to him, hope he doesn’t reach out to me
R I feel alone ahead of time
Then I tell myself I’m making a mistake and I should be grateful for this perfectly wonderful guy who likes me a lot.
C Desire to break up with man
T I should be grateful for him
F Shame
A Beat myself up, I don’t have conversation with him, I make my life small
R I don’t feel gratitude at all
But then also, I want to feel like a really great match is out there for me. I don’t think I have unrealistic expectations. I also don’t want to do the thoughtwork to settle for this relationship when I actually do have the power to find someone else. There are so many great things about him and I just feel guilty.
C Desire to break up with a man
T I know that my true match is out there waiting for me
F Expansive
A I don’t know, I still don’t feel motivated to have the conversation with this thought. I guess I don’t really believe that it’s true.
R
What other thoughts can I try on to help me take the action of having a difficult conversation with him?
Thank you!
