Models & grief work

Hi Brooke!

I’m brand new to SCS, and my first day happened to coincide with the anniversary of my adoptive mother’s death (4 years ago), so my thought downloads have both brought up some prolonged grief issues. I decided to try using the model for clarity, but I feel somewhat stuck.

My first model looked like this:

C: My mom died.
T: I still need my mom. I wasn’t ready to face the world without her. This is not fair!
F: Sad, scared, self-pitying, lonely, overwhelmed.
A: Extended deep grief (crying, ruminating, buffering.)
R: I stay stuck and feel even more lonely and lost without her.

I tried running a ‘better’ model, but it’s not quite right. Something is off and I’m not sure what it is:

C: My mom died.
T: My mom did everything she could to raise a resilient daughter who could handle things for herself, and I can honor her memory by moving on. I miss her, but she would have wanted me to move forward.
F: Release? Joy? I’m not sure what this part should feel like.
A: ???
R: Move forward into the next phase and fill the void in my heart with self-love and self-care.
Find joy in her memory and influence my own child’s life for the better instead of crying all the time.

I can tell I’m resisting something in these models, but I’m not sure what it is. Any advice?