I have a really good relationship with my mom. Last night at dinner I realized something that I do that I’m not happy about. This is not only with my mom, but I noticed it sharply last night.

With everything going on in the world, she was trying to share a heartwarming story she heard on the news about an adopted boy who rescues old adopted dogs. It was a very sweet story and she got emotional telling it. Then she went on to describe the reporter that reported the story and how she “just loves everything he does” because he shines light on people doing good things in the world (she’s told me about this reporter many, many times before). Here’s my model:

C: Mom says words
T: She’s annoying me
F: Annoyed
A: Don’t engage, don’t ask questions, don’t seem interested in her story
R: I annoy myself

I want to be someone who is happy and enthusiastic and curious when someone else is telling a story. I know from experience that this makes you feel good—when someone is interested in what you have to say. Instead, my default is to put up a wall. My issue is that I can’t figure out why. I don’t know WHY my thought is “she’s annoying me.” Nothing she said – in retrospect – was annoying. What work can I do to figure this out and start to change my results? A bridge thought? How do I get to the root of what is “annoying”? Thank you for any help!