Back story: I tried really hard in my first marriage to have children. That included over $25K in a failed IVF. I did get pregnant but my healthy pregnancy turned tragic when my baby boys heart stopped unexpectedly Mothers day weekend 2007. I ended up getting a divorce hiring a coach and fast forward my Life Coaching business initially began with me coaching women to “rewrite their story”. That’s the name of my first book. Now i”m married to the love of my life and I’m 49 (will be 50 in August). I’m married to a Pastor and this past weekend I met with a group of Pastors wives. Its a new group of great women I met online. the challenge was that for the first time in a very long time as they were going around asking each woman “how many kids do you have” I went to a sad place.
C – At lunch with a group of Pastor wives & the introduction question was how many children do you have
T – when it got to me I thought…I will share about my step son
F- imposter
A- inside I started debating should I tell them he’s my step son and that I don’t have any biological children, as they went on and on about their children I told myself I didn’t belong, I had a salad for lunch but then had girl scout cookies later
R –
I’ve done ALOT of work with both therapists and life coaches through these 12 years to reframe how it makes me feel when Im surrounded by women sharing about their children. I now know from the model that it’s NOT their conversation about their children that’s making me feel the way I do but more what I am thinking. So I need support in a bridge thought OR maybe I need support in being ok with the thought “I have a step son but no biological children” and I could’ve just shared that. I just didn’t want the “oh you never had children” “oh you didn’t want them” . I don’t always want to resurrect my past about my baby boy. He’s in heaven and I’m good with that but I don’t always wanna begin there when I meet new women. I guess the R I want is to meet new friends and accept them “as is” and to extend that same acceptance to myself.
thanks for help in advance!!
