I am doing some work in family constellations and working on taking back my space in my family, energetically. That feels great to do. We’ve talked about how I would ideally want my parents to show up for me, what my ideal relationship would with them. I got really excited and happy for a bit, to then think back and my past and just feeling really sad again. Because I feel like I’ve tried so much with my mum and I feel like she is never going to change or be the mum I need her to be, or the mum I’ve always wished for. I’m also aware that I can’t change her and that I don’t know what will happen in the future. What I do know is to try and change my thoughts and feelings around it.

C – Mum and I haven’t had contact in years and the last thing she said was “I am done with you”
T – I am not a good daugther, I am worthless, unloved and not enough
F – Incredibly sad and alone
A – Low self worth/esteem, not acting confident, not chasing dreams and goals, talking negatively about my past and mum
R – I am not living my best, authentic self and life

C – Mum and I haven’t had contact in years and the last thing she said was “I am done with you”
T – Even though this is really hard, my self-worth doesn’t depend on my mums behaviour, actions and words
F – Supported, confident, worthy
A – Taking steps out of my authentic self, following my intuition, living in the present
R – I am okay with whatever happens

This is what I came up with. My thought resonates with me and came quite naturally, which was a beautiful process. There is also still a lot of sadness and old tears that are around this. I also said when I thought that my ideal version of my mum would never happen, what if I don’t even want her back in my life at all? I know that is also fear speaking. Basically I am just trying to figure out a good and healthy way to put the past behind, give this thing a place and love myself even more :).