C: Woke up and R hasn’t texted
T: He doesn’t love me the same anymore
F: Anxious
A: Bite my nails (buffer), check phone to see if he has texted, make plans with other people (buffer), check on bumble to see who else is “out there” (buffer)
R: I either buffer the anxiety, or I continue to teach my brain to collect evidence that he doesn’t love me. Every time I check my phone and there’s no text I tell myself “he doesn’t love me the same anymore” and it gets worse and worse and worse. Also, I don’t love him unconditionally – if he wants his own space, can I love him anyway? If he doesn’t want to be with me, can I love him and let him go? Also, I don’t love me unconditionally – I give R the power to allow me to love me.
Another unintentional one in more detail
C: Thought that R doesn’t love me the same anymore
T: Let me just see if he texted
F: Urge
A: Check phone
R: I collect more evidence that he doesn’t love me every time I check, causing myself to be an anxiety ball
Intentional
C: Thought appears: R doesn’t love me the same anymore
T: This is a thought, words in my brain, that causes feelings of anxiety.
T: This thought is actually optional, even if it feels true.
T: This thought might be true but it might not be.
Then I ask myself…how do I want to feel?
F: 100% safe, secure, understood, and loved
If I felt that way, what would I do?
F: I’d be excited about my day, I’d have positive thoughts about the future, I’d do everything with a lighter energy, be more social, exhuberant, I’d go outside more, visit my parents more, I’d spend more time in fun and play.
The T would be:
T: I love my life and I am so grateful
I can see that I have given R the power to decide if I’m going to think “I love my life and I am so grateful”. I don’t want to do that. I want to think and believe this on purpose.
I want to think I love my life and I am so grateful NOW. I guess I don’t really quite believe that yet.
Possibly –
“I am becoming a person who loves my life and feels so grateful for it”
“I am open to believing that I could be the kind of person who loves life and feels so grateful for it”
“Wouldn’t it be nice if I could be a person who loves my life and feels so grateful for it?”
“What if I could be the person who loves my life and feels so grateful for it?”
The reason I currently don’t love my life and don’t feel grateful isn’t because I’m bad or damaged, but that I’ve been socialized to believe that things need to be a certain way before I can love myself and my life. This feels true, and very neutralizing, and it feels like a thought pattern I can control.
These thoughts seem to raise my vibration. Do I now just practice them?
