Brooke,

I’m having a hard time processing my anger due to an occurrence at work which has happened atleast three times in the past week. In the past, I would try to avoid this anger by buffering (TV, eating etc.) but I want to experience my emotion and figure out how to handle this within myself, and externally the next time it happens.

Whenever I recollect these episodes, I feel a flash of anger and my mind goes into a loop for a long time, and I find it hard to focus on whats happening outside at that time. I’m feeling aware of this emotion, and I also recognize its caused by a thought. I want to choose a different thought that gives me the outcome I want, which is to express myself thoughtfully, openly and without fear of being dismissed. But I’m really struggling with coming up with a thought that I can take on.

I realize that this is probably not as major as some of the issues I have seen you coach on, but it feels pretty challenging to me. I also feel that if I can work through this one, that there is a a whole flood of similar issues that are going to surface, which I have been hiding in the background of my mind. So its a little scary trying to meet these head on, but I’m going to go forward anyway.

Unintentional model

C: Teresa cut me off by saying my comment in the meeting was not relevant
T: She is trying to dominate me
F: Anger
A: Cut off conversation flow, detach
R: Estranged relationship, lack of communication

Intentional model 1 – does not work for me

C: Teresa cut me off by saying my comment in the meeting was not relevant
T: She believes that she is adding value by focusing the conversation and that she is being efficient (this may be true but I feel that admitting this is giving up. I wish I was this accepting but I’m not!!)
F: Empathy
A: Remind her firmly that she did not understanding what I’m trying to say
R: She listens

Unintentional model 2 – I dont know what thought to use
C: Teresa cut me off by saying my comment in the meeting was not relevant
T: I have a right to express my ideas (this should work, but it makes me feel angry because I don’t feel this is recognized by Teresa)
F: Confident (I guess I should feel confident but it makes me feel angry)
A:
R: I express my comments fully and openly and at the pace that I’m comfortable with (this is my ideal result)