I have an opportunity for a job that I really want that pays more in a different city.

The city is the same city where my parents live. My husband and children do not want to move. My husband grew up where we currently live and my kids (ages 7 and 10) love their school, sports teams and neighbors. My husband has said he does not think we should move.

I could possible commute once per week to the new city while sill living in my current city but it is 6 hours away and I would have to pay for the commute and be gone 1/2 of every week, missing taking my kids to school and missing their sports.

I want to move and be near my parents and friends and I also want to be present everyday with my kids. I really want this job because I have had it before and was very happy with it, I also know I will have a good manager. I have been in a job that I despise with terrible management for the past 13 years because it was the only job available in the government where I live and I moved here for my husband so he could be near his daughter from a previous marriage who is now grown.

I work for the government and have 19 years in, there are no other available jobs where I currently live within the government. My husband would be able to move if he wanted to move because his business can be run remotely.

I know that my kids would be upset at first but I believe they can thrive anywhere and adapt, however, I feel like they will all be miserable and hate me if I force this move on them. Both of my kids cried and said they would not move when I presented the possibility.

I’m so torn because I want to take this job and have my family be on board, but I know I can’t change how they feel. I feel like I have to give up what I want to make them happy, but if I do what I want to do, then I will be a terrible and selfish mother/ partner…

I know these are just thoughts but I’m having a hard time coming up with more intentional models to get myself in a clean headspace regarding this circumstance. Any help is appreciated.