I have a friend whom I’ve known for over 10 yrs. I used to love hanging out with her and I always felt so relaxed around her. However, the last couple of years my thoughts about her have changed and consequently so has our friendship.

One of my thoughts is, “she’s become negative, snappy, defensive and needy as we have gotten older.” (She’s 10 years older than me.) Ugh, I feel ashamed for even writing that.

On the other hand, it feels so true to me and I don’t think I want to change my thoughts about her words and actions. It doesn’t feel authentic to do so (probably because I truly believe my thoughts) and her words and actions don’t align with who I want to be around. At the same time, I can’t imagine not having her in my life. My thought is, “she’s also thoughtful and loving.”

So, this leaves me with two options:

1.Continue to have all these negative thoughts and feelings. We talk weekly and even between calls this takes up a lot of brain space. Also, I’m not showing up as my true self/best version of me when I’m experiencing these feelings.
2.Change my thoughts about her even though I don’t want to, so I can feel better.

It seems like number two would be a given option but I feel so attached to not changing my thoughts. If I did, my thought is that, “it means I would accept her words and behaviors, and I don’t want to be treated that way and be around that negativity.”

I feel stuck here. What am I not seeing?

Thank you brilliant coaches for your help!