I met someone recently and we instantly clicked, messaged each other for about 3 months, talked a lot on the phone, then met up and it was all great.

The first issue was he was still living with his ex, but that kind of doesn’t even come into it now.

On Sunday, I got the sense he was being quiet. When I asked him what was wrong, he said his son had just told him something which had caused him to be really upset. He didn’t say what it was as he said he didn’t want to talk about it, but he said he needs to figure out where the kids are living and that he was meeting up with the mum of the kids to discuss the next day.

I left it for a day or two, then messaged to see if he was doing okay and told him I was there for him if he needed me. I told him I cared and from his response he was grateful, but he didn’t want to talk about it. He said it’s very unhealthy and heavy. I said I would leave him to it, but reassured him I’m here if he needs me, etc. He said things had gone from bad to worse and didn’t want to talk about it, but told me he knows the timing isn’t ideal it was ‘comforting but also maddening to know if I was there for him’.

I replied and asked why it was maddening and said I didn’t really understand as I didn’t know what’s going on. Also, I said he doesn’t need to explain the situation.

I meant what I said but we’re a few days on now and I’m having many Ts. Why is it ‘maddening’? Did it annoy him that I care? Why didn’t he reply to my last message just saying thanks? Why doesn’t he tell me what happened? Because I’m not a parent and I wouldn’t understand? Is he going to let the ex stay because the kids like her? I’m assuming it’s over between us?

I really want to message him, but there really is no reason or need. I said I would leave him to it and it sounds as if that is what he wants. I guess what I want to figure out is why I really struggle to accept it when someone walks away from me and why I get frustrated about this. I feel like I’m constantly waiting for him to get in touch or thinking about when is a suitable time to cave and message him. It’s like I think if I get in touch now and if he replies, the discomfort I’m feeling now will disappear.