I am working on changing my story of loss.

By feeling the feelings rather than buffering, I realized that I have an ongoing negative story around loss. I am wondering if you’ve helped others with this problem.

It seems I am easily triggered into a depressive/ruminating mode around losing something- people (family, friends, old lovers) , others “esteem” towards me when I feel I make a mistake or underperform , – all around self indulgent hard emotion states. I can be easily triggered just by remembering losing something (as above) no matter how long ago it happened.

My old thought must be “once you lose someone its done, you have to blame yourself for not having those people or things you want in your life”. and “you’ll nevrer get it back”

Maybe the solution is multi-pronged

1. commitment :
-I will let people know how much I love them and I will not easily let them leave my life
-I will not use manuals on others
_I will learn how to not use a manual on myself

2. new thoughts/new story
-I always had my mother and father and brother and sister, and x,y,z, I never lost them. They were always in my life, they became a part of me, through my own living of life.
-we cannot lose people, our relationships are eternal
-life is always changing, a series of moments, there is no absolute way of things
-everything happens for a reason
-good things are borne from anything or everything
-there are no failures only learnings/evolution
-most people mean well but get caught in their own story
-people who judge are caught in their own story
– I am way too hard on myself and I must stop blaming myself for anything- only learn, keep learning

Do you have any more thoughts to add, any other perspectives

Thanks