My husband and I just bought a home and are paying most of it in cash. However we’re mortgaging about 100K. We’re in our early 60s.
In a previous marriage, my husband hid some financials from me and we ended up losing our home. In my current marriage – my husband’s business failed and he had to declare bankruptcy. Fortunately we had separate finances and I didn’t have any detrimental result to my credit. But we lost the home we were living in – which was titled in his name only. My brain keeps bringing up these two scenarios as we’re moving into this new home and I want so badly to be excited and looking forward to it, buy my lizard brain thinks nothing but “This could happen again,” “Don’t do this,” “You’re making a mistake” to the point that I feel fear and doubt. I can see these thoughts from an observer’s viewpoint, but they’re taking the joy out of what should be fun and exciting. I’m waking up with headaches. Not sleeping well. Stressed. How do I shut down those old experiences from popping up like gophers or moles? Why can’t I allow myself the pleasure? I feel a lot of fear. If I’m really truthful – I also feel a bit of victim mentality – or a lack of trust – since it’s been both husbands who brought the unfortunate financial experiences into my reality. Any steps or suggestions to think better thoughts without feeling like I’m being naive and putting my head in the sand to the possibility of it happening again?