I am trying to figure out why I am not honest/vulnerable with my husband. I have been married for 4 years, second relationship, he has 4 kids, I have 3, all adults. I have the belief that me being honest with him is important if the relationship has any chance of growing.

C I propose that we have seperate bank accounts plus a shared account. Husband responds saying he thinks we should have 1 with 100 percent transparency. I agree to his face but maintain a secret bank account that I mostly use to help out my adult kids. (I know this is a long C.)
T I will do whatever it takes to be able to support my kids.
F Empowered.
A Have thoughts about leaving my husband.
Help out my kids without him knowing.
Get shitty when he talks to me about helping out his kids.
Hide credit card.
Lie about some purchases.
R I am dishonest.

You can see from my model that I like me T and F but don’t like the A and R.

Can you help me with an IM in which all the components are more in line with each other?

Thank you!