Self Loathing

I am anxious because I know how cruelly I will speak to myself during the day. It starts like a soft hum and then builds to the end of the day when I feel like I am walking through a wall of pain and self hatred. Then I eat – and it doesn’t take the pain away, it just distracts me because my stomach is so full. How do I stop doing this? It starts so insidiously and I only notice it after the eating