Not changing people (follow-up)

Thank you very much for the clarification, Brooke, it’s very helpful.
Can you tell me if I understand this correctly?

We can ask the other person for help, and express needs or preferences.

But we must recognize that the other person’s freedom lies in choosing to comply or not comply.
And our freedom lies in *what we make it mean* when they comply and when they don’t.

We can choose to think, “If he loved me — or if he loved me better — he would comply.”

Or we can choose to think… getting stuck here… what are some good alternative thoughts?

I’ve thought of the following but I’m not 100% happy with them:

“I trust that he has his reasons for not helping me when I ask.”
“Loving me and complying with my wishes are two separate things.”
“I choose to love him whether or not he complies with my wishes.”
“He doesn’t owe me love or help; I choose to love and help myself.”

I’ll welcome any further insight to solidify this for me.

Thank you!