I am in the middle of a divorce. I’ll spare you the reasons and the story here, because what I need coaching for today in particular is what I discovered in myself and didn’t know at the time: I’m panicking about being a divorced woman.
I’ve always known I had a huge attachment to marriage. I’ve always wanted a traditional family, my biggest dream in life, a husband, children, a house, a dog, a family car and a peaceful old age together… you get the perfect cliché picture? Yes, I am one of those people, 3000%.
But now I’m facing a real shame of myself in this divorce. I feel like an anomaly, a mistake of humanity, a failure made woman. I feel ashamed. I hide. I hate myself. I’m afraid people judge me. I feel like I have no use and I am no longer a real person (!!) if I can no longer be defined as “X’s wife”, or “a married woman and mother”, or “a woman in a relationship”. I know, it’s pathetic, especially in 2021 and especially with someone as accomplished as me, believe me. Plus, it’s weird that I feel that way because the truth is that my greatest dream in life and my greatest source of joy is to be a mother. I am so happy to have children and they are still there. I’m also very happy to work. (I started my business years ago and it’s doing well!) I have wonderful friends, hobbies, etc. I wasn’t a poor little housewife dependent on my husband, isolated from my old friends or with no purpose in life. I have plenty and I love plenty and my husband used to blame me for not being fusional enough! So that’s the last straw, isn’t it?!
But I am the daughter of divorced parents and I swore to myself that I would have a successful marriage. Forever. No matter what. That’s why I sometimes accepted the unacceptable to keep it.
In short, I feel I have some real work to do on this notion of “divorced woman = failed life” and I need help.