Not sure how to move past my model

After not being able to join a family dinner due to a previous commitment, they went without me. Ouch, but ok. I messaged mum and my sister the following morning to ask if we could go in 3 weeks, and have another dinner. No response though they have both seen the message. My sister has a history of occasionally not responding to questions and our relationship has been strained over the years.

My thoughts:

  • She doesn’t like me
  • I’ve done something wrong
  • They don’t want to see me
  • What gutless cows- why don’t they have the decency to acknowledge my question, even to lie and say they’re not available
  • I’m making an effort, she is not
  • I don’t even like her and yet I make the effort
  • So this is how she’s playing it

F: Anger, sadness, rejected, disappointed

A: Ruminate, complain to husband, seek assurance (all the same actions for the T and feelings), try to thought swap ‘This is my sister being my sister’, try to focus on not giving my power away, feel miserable, mind read, allow the sadness and rejection and let it be in my body

R: I’m miserable and obsessed and planning how to fix this

My sister and I are very different people. I do not enjoy her company and I do it for mum and dad, and I am not myself around her because there are certain safe topics people are allowed and anything outside of that means she shuts down and cuts me off. But I have tried. I want to feel at peace and not so rejected and sad. Help!