Is it okay to ask for help?

Hi Brooke,

My question is around when is it okay to ask for help?

I am currently $50,000 in debt and I take full responsibility for it. I am fully aware (through much of the work I’ve done in SCS) that it was my thoughts (and resulting actions) that made this circumstance true. I’m really practicing responsibility here, but I admit I am dipping into victim mode and self-blame as well (but I’m working on it).

This morning I got some news that made it hit home that I would not be receiving a large sum of money as I expected and I immediately started panicking. I have a credit card bill coming out in 2 days and I do not and will not have the money to pay it. More panic.

I noticed myself indulging in confusion and the feeling of “stuck” on what I’m supposed to do, which I know is not helpful. I then had the thought, “maybe I could ask family member X if she could loan me some money”. This thought felt like a wave of relief but with it, there was also a lot of shame and pride with asking for help. I’ve always had the story (which for the most part, present situation excluded) that I have to do everything alone and that I can only count on myself, and it feels like a failure that I have to ask someone for help and admit that I put myself in this position (I have a very well paying job so to admit I’m in this much debt shows everyone that I am bad at managing money).

The other thing is that I feel like because I got myself into this mess, I have no right to ask anyone else to help me get out of it. Part of me thinks that self-responsibility means I have to dig myself out of this hole by getting a part time job or selling some belongings. Those things may still be true but asking for help feels like the more likely option given I have 48 hours until my credit card bill is due.

But is asking for help a cop-out? Am I just enabling myself? When is it okay to ask for help?

I want to change. I need to change. And perhaps this happened so that I would finally begin to do things differently. But I’m scared and I’ve never been in this position before and I want to be better. What should I do?

Many thanks,