I have met my fiance two years ago. We both arrived to the relationship later than most of our friends. I am 42 and he is 59. We never discussed having kids. I suppose we both assumed that if we haven’t got around it until now, that neither of us is interested in having them.
I personally chose not to have. I prefer kids-free life.
The other day he brought up the subject that some of his family members and friends say he should make the wedding sooner as my clock is ticking and I may not be able to get pregnant even now. And then he asked me if I even want to have kids and I said I don’t.
What we gathered at the end of the conversation is that he has two thoughts around having kids:
1. What will people say if we don’t have kids?
2. We should have kids so that when we are old they will take care of us.
I wore the coach hat after he said those beliefs and told him these sound to me like two wrong reasons to have kids. One is pleasing other people and the second assumes that all kids take care of their parents when they are old.
I said that it seems to me more economical to save all the cost of what a child would cost over their lifetime and pay a salary for a housekeeper/aid when we need one.
He now says he is considering breaking the engagement because we are clearly not worrying about the same things in the same way.
I don’t know how to reconcile without having to actually have the very thing (kid) I do not want to have.